Ace Wisdom

It was a Spring Saturday morning. Temperatures were forecast to be in low 60’s. The sky was partly sunny. There was a light wind.
Excitement abounded in Madison. People were gathering. 14,997 people were ready to run the 26th Crazylegs Classic named after Elroy Hirsch, the great Wisconsin football legend. In the crowd was a face I know and love. Yep, there she was! Grasshopper No. 2.
No. 2 had been training for months. In fact, late last year she was working her way up to running 5 miles without stopping. Somedays she ran 5 miles. Most days were less. Along the way there were pulled hamstrings, sore feet, new shoes to give better leg support and probably a few chiropractic adjustments. Are we having fun yet? The goal was to be able to run the Crazyleg marathon (8k or just over 5 miles). Why do people do this? Because they can! Grasshopper No. 2 needs challenges and excruciating pain will not deter her. Tell her that running an 8k represents insanity and she shouldn’t do it just tightens her jaw and gives her fuel for proving people wrong. She would run the 8k.
She did well. For those of you who have run 8k recently, it starts easily and then as time passes everything hurts. The thought of “what I am doing here has got to cross the mind”. But the miles go past. One mile. Two miles, Up hills. Down hills. Three miles. Suddenly you realize you can do this. The test of running up Observatory Hill is a little overwhelming but then you find a groove and you cruise the last two miles into Camp Randall Stadium. People are waiting and cheering. You completed you quest. Kind of like the the Little Engine that Could. Puff, puff, puff. In the crowd is your loving husband and two children. Yeah! Way to go mom!
So how did Grasshopper No. 2 do?
She “ran” the entire distance.
She finished the race in 45 minutes, 18 seconds.
She finished 4280 out of 9033 runners (the rest of the field walked). That is the top 47%.
She finished 38th in the field of females age 45-49. That is a terrific statistic.
She finished No.1 with her own family. Go mom, go!
And she finished No.1 with me. She is my daughter.
There is nothing better than dedicating yourself to a goal and then of course achieving it. That is what life is all about. No. 2 can drink deeply from the “Cup of Self-satisfaction”. This means of course, she has to set a new goal. Maybe in a day or two.
Love,
Dad

For the last year, Grasshopper No.1’s heart has been “all a flutter”. It could be love. It could be occasional excitement. The truth is they are not sure what trips the “flutter”
The fact is that the top part of her heart races to over 120 beats per minute at random times. That is twice the norm (60-80 beats per minute is standard). For awhile it was well in excess of 120 beats per minute.
No. 1 has had two heart procedures stopping the heart and then shocking it back into rhythm. That is kind of scary when you think about it but it is “an out-patient” procedure. It seemed to work when coupled with some strong medication. Some how the heart keeps returning to the “thump, thump, THUMPITY THUMP, thump thump pattern”. The “thumpity thumps” last for significant amounts of time.
The Wausau doctor treating No. 1 has recommended that she have a heart procedure where they go inside the heart and actually interrupt the electrical signals by producing scar tissue in the circuitry. I’m told the operation is called “ablation”. It is a 5-7 hour operation where they actually go into the heart through the arteries in both legs and produce scar tissue in each of the four major entrances and exits to the heart. The procedure has been around for over 25 years and the doctor performing the surgery learned the technique from the original inventor. No. 1’s doctor is located at St. Lukes in Milwaukee and for this particular operation is considered “God”. I guess if you are going to have someone screw with your heart, God is preferable.
So now we wait. The procedure should be performed in the next several weeks. Actually the doctor called last Friday and wanted to operate on Monday. Whoaaa! I don’t think so. Don’t you need to schedule replacements at work? Who’s time is more important here? The Doctor’s? Or the patient? The answer of course is the doctor. So very soon, there will be a call, there will be a trip to Milwaukee, a 5-7 hour operation will take place and hopefully everything will return to normal.
I’m sure Grasshopper No. 1 will be happy when the whole thing is over with. Uncertainty places a cloud over your whole life. Anytime you work with the heart, it is very serious. So here is a sincere “heartfelt” wish for a fast and successful operation.
Stay tuned!
Love,
Dad

I’ve always wanted my own personal tree in the back yard where I could harvest denominations of $10, $20, $100 or even $1000 bills. You know, get up in the morning, make some coffee, wander outside to the magic tree and pick a few $1000 bills. I’d just stuff them in my pockets and then go enjoy the day. The tree of course would bear money all year around. None of this seasonal stuff. If I had money left over, occasionally I’d share my good fortune with Grasshoppers and family.
Well, for my birthday I got a money tree. It has green leaves and I’m sure is ready for transplant into the backyard. One of the Grasshoppers gave it as a gift. Pretty unselfish to give away a perpetual source of cash.
Grasshopper No. 4 spoiled my fantasy a little. He said, “Dad, you got a bonsai tree”. I said “How did you know”? Apparently everybody knows that a bonsai tree which originated in China is called the money tree.
This morning I planted the tree in the back yard. It dawned on me that I should protect this valuable resource so that some dog doesn’t lift his leg on it. A small fence seemed in order. So I built a fence. Then I began to think about the people in the neighborhood who might steal my tree. So I hired a security firm to put alarms and video equipment in place to protect against intruders. Then I decided I should get insurance to cover potential losses. The ultimate solution of course was to hire a security guard service to stand over the tree 24 hours per day, 7 days per week.
You get the idea. Suddenly I had another worry in my life. How do I protect this new found fortune? Protecting the tree was going to cost more than the daily harvest. Aawww Sh–.
So I am going to place the bonsai tree in the front computer rooom, water it faithfully and appreciate the thought behind which it was given. It is pretty. It was given for my birthday.
Alas, another get rich scheme goes down the tubes. It was a beautiful thought. I guess I’m destined to lead a life of quiet desperation.
The lesson Grasshoppers is that instant wealth does not normally drop in your lap. You don’t need a money tree to be rich. Look around.
Love,
Dad

We keep coming up with solutions to solve our dependence on gasoline. There are abundant alternative fuels including extracting Hydrogen from the air. Daaaah! Hydrogen is everywhere. Coal could supply gasoline for the United States for several hundred years. Our “genius” has been released and we will now take our food supply and make fuel out of it. I guess it is better to trundle on down the road in our huge Hummers than to eat.
What a “corny” solution. We are now building lots of “corn to ethenol” conversion plants in the midwest. Not only does it take energy to convert corn, it will increase the total cost of a gallon of gas. I’ve heard estimates that the “corn plants” might produce up to 2% of our annual needs. What a brilliant move. That means 98% of our fuel must still come from other sources. That will relieve all our problems.
Politicians are jumping on the bandwagon. Former Govenor Tommy Thompson is a big investor in a corn plant here in the Midwest. Guess who will make a fortune over our panic to use corn resources. Wisconsin is trying to mandate the percentage of ethanol that gets put into each gallon of gas.
So what else happens. Yes, farmers plant more corn each year because demand will be increasing. Corn “future” prices are already double and triple historical norms. That means when you go to the store to buy anything that contains corn, it will cost more. You Dorito eaters will take it on the chin. Here we go! When I was younger, you could pick up a dozen ears of corn in July for 50 cents. Now they go for $4-$6 per dozen. Brace yourself for $10 per dozen. Higher food prices will push up your cost of living and it will affect everything else. Higher loan costs. Less take home pay. You get the idea.
I don’t know how many people in the world go to bed hungry each night buy I’m told it is the millions. How many people starve to death each day? But hey, screw the world. My SUV needs gas.
There has to be a better solution than corn. Didn’t the professor in “Back to the Future” convert fertilizer from cows into fuel for his time traveling car?
I do believe we will find good solutions. It just strikes me that taking food you eat and converting to gas for cars and trucks is not heading in the right direction.
As long as I’ve complaining about solutions to world problems, Sheryl Crows solution of limiting each bowel movement to one square sheet of toilet paper (to save trees) is just as stupid. As Rosie O’Donnell said, “has Sheryl seen the size of my ass”? Rosie, the world has seen the size of your ass.
My theme has been steady today. We are coming up with Sh–ty solutions to our energy problems as well as global warming (if there really is global warming).
So go forth Grasshoppers and help solve the problems of the world. Stay informed. Encourage good solutions. Avoid the “corn”.
Love,
Dad

Sometimes there is symbolism in things that happen in life. On Wednesday this week, a fire broke out in a barn adjacent to a golf course in Hartford, Wisconsin. Not only did a fire break out but the barn contained 20,000 pounds of fertilizer (10 tons). Now that is a lot of sh–. The symbolism of course is that with all the bullsh– that takes place on a golf course, burning tons of it is the perfect irony.
I make light of the situation but it was really pretty serious because when sh– burns, it becomes toxic. They had to evacuate homes downwind from the fire and smoke. Fortunately nobody was injured.
I think God looked down and asked himself how he could mock golfers. Golfers are known to be follow rules very carefully and the never, never compromise their integrity. Yeah, right. So God decided to torch this pile of sh– to let all golfers know that he knows! Ha.
When I was a kid, a favorite trick of kids was to put “doggy dew” in a bag, and then burn it on the doorstep of someone you didn’t like. You’d light a match to the bag of sh– and ring the doorbell. You hoped that the person answering the door would try to snuff out the fire by stepping on it to smother the small flame and of course the end result was a stinky, sloppy shoe. I never did this. I just heard of other kids doing it. Most people would not step on the bag but they had to let it burn out and endure the stink and mess.
So the Washington County Golf Course in Hartford will continue to operate but with a little less sh–. You golfing purists out there might want to play Washington County Golf Course. There is a little less sh– than there used to be. Now that would be different.
God indeed has a sense of humor.
Love,
Dad

This blog is a day early again. Tomorrow I’ve got mountains to climb and oceans to cross.
As a result of Clark Howard’s suggestion about credit, I went to the website that provides free credit reports once a year, (www.annualcreditreport.com). There are 3 major credit report companies and each will provide you one credit report each year. Howards suggestion was to order one report every 4 months, each time from a different company. Then after a year you can start over and you can review your credit every 4 months for free forever.
Yep I’m listed. I’m in the data base of the “credit report” company. I worked my way through the security maze. I was assigned an account number. I was assigned a user name, a passwood and some secretive questions to answer the next time I try to get a report. Wah-laa! I got my credit report.
My employment data was slightly aged. The last job they had in the records was Artfaire which was 1986. I guess the 14 years of making cookies fell completely off the map.
The address of our current residence was correct as well as the Greenfield Street location along with the condo at Elkhart Lake.
There was a 48 month history of payments on credit cards and utilities. A total of 10 accounts are monitored on a continuing basis and I am rated by whether I am current with my payments or “late”. Apparently it takes 4 years to work slow payments out of your credit report. There are 5 degrees of “late” payments.
And then there was a page of credit card companies that inquired about me in order to decide whether they should offer new credit cards to me. My list had 12 different companies that checked my financial history over two years. All this was in the guise of Promotional Inquiry.
And then there were 3 pages of companies that did “account review inquiries”. Some inquires were from companies that I do existing business with and some were totally unknown to me. Again new credit card companies were listed. In total, 42 different inquiries were made over 2 years.
My comments would be that the report was extremely poor on employment information but the history of payments on different monthly accounts was really good. I was blown away by the number of companies that had access to my credit history over that last 2 years.
You do not get a credit “score” with the free credit report. For that you must pay an additional $7.95. I did not request my score. For that same amount of money I can get a quarter pounder at MacDonalds. According to Mr. Howard, a score of 700 or more is the tipping point. At 700 and above you will get favorable rates on everything from credit cards to mortgage rates. I’m just going to have to live out my life not knowing.
My primary reason for pursuing a credit report was to find out if I had any major negatives or disputes listed. I did not.
Check it out. You can find out for free whether the world has proper financial information on you. They are watching you! Woooooo!
Love,
Dad
And then there were 3 pages of

This blog is one day early due to commitments tomorrow. Busy, busy, busy!
Clark Howard came to Appleton last night. No, you say! Yep. He was sponsored by a local credit union and he appeared on stage at a local high school. Your mom and I (along with Grasshopper No. 3 and Collin) went to the presentation in a driving April snowstorm. So did the other silly 700 fans that filled the auditorium. He certainly has captured the attention of all classes of Americans.
I try to discern the fascination with Mr. Howard. It think it is fairly simple. As consumers we are all getting screwed every day with deceptive business practices and he has some fairly simple solutions. So he makes a living helping people navigate the mine field of devious ploys.
Why did I pay $10 per person to see Clark. One of my basic laws is “you always learn something” and the subject matter interests me.
Now you ask, what could the Zen Master possibly learn? Well, I have resisted looking at my credit report because I figure it really doesn’t apply to my financial situation. I don’t do loans. I don’t need to apply for credit (I get 50 solicitations for credit cards each year). I’m not about to refinance my house! But, according to Clark Howard, the credit report is used for everything including insurance rating (home insurance, auto insurance and property insurance). If you are a credit risk, you pay higher insurance rates. So I might be paying higher rates because some “nimrod” has tarnished my credit rating. My goal today is to apply for one of my free annual credit reports through a website Clark disclosed. Even an old Zen Master can learn.
Clark’s favorite word? Save! The word is “SAVE”. Save. Save. Save.
Saving is multi-dimensional. It means putting some of your earnings away on a continuing basis. Use 401k’s, health saving accounts, Roth IRA’s and regular bank saving accounts. It also means finding the best deal for your telephones, TV’s, and insurance. It means spending on things you need and avoiding the “wants”. It means avoiding credit cards. It means building equity in your home (don’t do home equity loans). You get the idea.
For a guy (Clark Howard) who bought a small travel agency at age 25 just as air fares were being deregulated, built it into a total of 5 agencies by age 31, then sold it for enough money to retire, he did pretty good. The question will always be “was he lucky or was he good”. Maybe both. He did siezed the opportunity. He continures to sieze opportunity.
My goal is to make back the total of $20 I spent on tickets. Stay tuned!
Love,
Dad