Ace Wisdom

The “head” of British Petroleum (BP), Tony Haywood, will be relieved of his position today and will receive $18 million in stock options for his service.  Where else can you lead a company to lose $32 billion in the last quarter and get such a handsome reward.  I want a job like that.  In addition, he will still stay employed by BP and be assigned to develop their Russian assets.  Nice Job.

Alex Rodriquez who plays for the Yankees will reach the milestone of 600 career home runs in the next couple of days.  The record for home runs in a career is 762 by “puffed up steroid” Barry Bonds of the San Francisco Giants.  Alex is 35 years old so he has 5-6 years left to get the big record.  Alex’s contract says that for every home run over the record, he will receive $6 million dollars.  So for home run 763, he will get $6 million.  For home run 764, he will get $6 million and so on.  That is a pretty nice incentive for beating the home run record.  Imagine hitting 100 home runs over the record.  Nice Job.  How do you get one of those?

Prince Fielder for the Brewers makes $8-9 million this year.  Next year is an arbitration year.  Prince will say he is worth more and the Brewer management will say he is being paid fairly.  An arbitrator will probably award Prince $14-15 million next year.  The following year, Prince becomes a free agent and will end up with a “money team” that can afford him.  He will earn $20-22 million per year for many years.  Nice Job.  Prince will eat three meals a day.

Then there are the people like your Mom and I.  We live on Social Security and didn’t even get a cost of living increase this year.  What is wrong with this picture?

I almost hit a Canadian goose this morning.  The geese are boldly populating Casaloma Drive near the Appleton mall.  I was cruising around a curve this morning and I came face to face with a big goose.  He didn’t move.  He looked me in the eye.  He slowly waddled to the side of the road and seemed upset that I made him move.  I was tempted bring the stupid bird home for dinner.  Now there is a money saving idea.

Lastly, the battery in my key for my overstuffed Camry was dead this morning.  The dashboard flashes when my “key” battery gets low.  I don’t need my car to tell me my battery is low.  I’ve known that for years.  By the way, batteries of keys are free when you own the overstuffed Camry.

Brewers winning.  The oil leak in the Gulf of Mexico has been stopped.  Obama is on top of things by appearing on the “View” this morning.  Everything is coming up roses.

Now if I could just find one of those lucrative jobs.

Love,

Dad

We live on a gradual sloping hillside that originally was farm field..  Your Mom and I were spending a quiet Tuesday evening at home watching a stupid movie called “The Box”.  It is a sci-fi thriller.  It wasn’t as thrilling as the little dark gray critter that scampered across our family room carpet.  When you get older, you don’t always trust your eyesight but a darting animal is unmistakeable.  It was from the rodent family, probably a mouse or mole.

The next morning I stopped at Fleet Farm to buy mouse traps.  The traps are filled with glue interlaced with food.  I help the process by putting peanut butter in the center of the trap.  I put one trap in the game room on the floor near the refrigerator.  The hunt had begun.

Being the patient hunter that I am, I waited until Thursday morning to check the trap.  It was gone.  An older citizen like myself can begin to doubt his actions.  Did I pick up the trap and put it elsewhere.  Did your Mom move the trap.  Clearly, the trap was gone.

The floor in the gameroom is white linoleum with a heavy black pattern.  Coincidently, the mouse trap was black.  A black trap moved within the heavy black pattern could easily be missed.  I looked and looked.  Nothing.  I moved boxes and clutter.  Nothing.  I checked the furnace room.  Nothing.  I shone a flashlight under the furnace and under the family room couch.  Nothing!  I got tired of looking..

It dawned on me to solve the puzzle by thinking like a mouse.  If I were a mouse and I got stuck in a mouse trap, what would I do.  I would try to get free of the sticky glue mess in the trap and I would try to crawl to someplace dark and “private”.  The closest safe haven was the refrigerator.  So I pulled the refrigerator away from the wall.  I looked behind.  Ho, ho, ho!  There was my mouse trap with a cute grey adult mouse.  He must have twisted to get out of the trap and it was stuck to his back.  He crawled behind the refrigerator.  He died with his feet aimed at the ceiling.  I felt like playing taps.  He was given a proper funeral and put to rest.

So the hillside mystery was solved.  I found the missing glue trap and the mouse.  As Grasshopper No.5 would declare, “the little f—er was dead”.  I have more traps in case the mouse had a “friend”.

Never underestimate the cunning of an old man.

Love,

Dad

 

 

 

 

Just in case you haven’t noticed, the daylight hours are 20 minutes shorter.

The Green Bay Packers start training camp in 11 days.

2 months from now, the UW Badgers will have played 3 games.

Grandson Collin is headed back to San Diego.  He is armed and dangerous.  He bought a “Blackberry” phone system and is now capable of taking pictures, transmitting e-mail, and of course, handling phone calls.  Never underestimate the power of a Marine with a phone.

I watched parts of the World Cup Soccer tournament but I have to admit soccer is not my favorite sport.  ln addition the vuvuzellas were a pain in the ass.  I did like the penalty card system.  For the first violation of the rules, the player gets a yellow card.  After commiting the second offense, a red card comes out and the player is ejected from the game.

I am implementing a yellow and red card system for my life.  I will carry colored cards in my pocket and rather than confronting bad behavior, I will just hand a yellow card to the violator.  I will have red cards ready for the belligerent people.

If you go to lunch with me and your cell phone rings, I will ignor it.  If you answer it, you will be given a yellow card from my pocket.  If you answer a cell phone call a second time, you get the red card (and pay for your own lunch).  Answering a phone at lunch is rude and says that someone other than me, is more important.  Emergencies are the exception.

If you make a commitment to meet me at an explicit time, be there.  Missing a “date” gets you the yellow card.  Do it twice and the “red” will appear.  There won’t be a third time.  Honor time commitments.  It isn’t hard.

You get the idea.  First a yellow.  Then a red.  It is governed by common sense.  It also falls under the auspices of the Golden Rule.  Treat others the way you’d like to be treated yourself.

I wrestled with different color cards (like pink, fushsia, green, and even lavender) for minor violations, repeated annoyances, or peculiar traits.  That would have complicated my life.  To keep things simple, yellow and red cards will rule.

Everybody will start with a clean slate.  You have to earn your penalty cards

Fleet Farm has hip boots on sale.

Love,

Dad

 

I lost my entry for today in the electronic abyss.  Grasshopper No.5 offers the explanation of “I don’t know what happened”?  Like that makes it okay.  I piddled away an hour crafting masterful dialogue and it now resides in the abyss.  That ain’t okay.  My time is valuable.  Here we go again.

Your Mom and I got to visit with Collin last Sunday.  He talked about “boot” camp and Marine Corps experiences.  He does talk funny.  He spent a great deal of time in “cams”.  Huh?  That is short for camouflage clothing.  It is light green and brown and makes you disappear in to “nothing-ness”.  Cams sounds like a part for a car engine.  “Blues” are not a sad feeling.  They are dress apparel for special ocassions that make the Marine look handsome.  He becomes a “chick magnet”.  A “rattler” is the snake he jumped over and killed.  Apparently they have rattlesnakes in California.  Collin is headed for Camp Pendleton in California in 10 days for additional training.  That will be followed by more training.

I have the British Open Golf tournament droning in the background and the British announcers also talk funny.  The wind is “stiffening” means that a wind in excess of 40 mph is going to stop play.  I’m sure it wouldn’t stop a Marine.  A front is “coming in” means that the weather front is going to change things dramatically.  The wind “freshening” means it will blow harder.  It sounds like freshening is going to take away the stink.  No wonder English is a hard language.

Grasshopper No.5 is off to do a wedding photo shoot (for money),  Grasshopper No.3 is off to Ohio to buy a used car (for money) and I am off to my local restaurant with my favorite person (for money).  You can’t say we are not keeping the economy going.

Just a final observation.  George Steinbrenner, owner of the Yankees, was a maverick but his goal was to win at all cost.  He died on Tuesday at age 80.  It turns out that this year, 2010, all estate tax laws are suspended based on a tax package passed 10 years ago.  It is a fluke year for estate taxes because next year they revert back to the normal 40-50% tax rates.  In a normal year, the Steinbrenner family would not have had enough money to pay 1/2 billion dollars in estate taxes.  They would have had to sell the Yankees.  This year however, the family is 1/2 billion dollars richer because of the tax law.  Damn!  Even in death, George wins!

We had over 4 inches of rain Wednesday night.  Our neighbor is building an ark.

Love,

Dad 

Your Mom dragged me down to the local “Farmers Market” Saturday morning.  I figure it doesn’t get much better.  Local farmers and gardeners bring their produce to town offering natural vegetables and fruit.  The prices of course are very low because the “middle-man” has been eliminated.  I anticipated a “pocket full” of savings.

Lots of people were mulling around (along with lots and lots and lots of kids in baby buggies).  I expected lots of trucks loaded with product.  I thought we would be able to buy a dozen ears of corn for $1.  We could pick up bags of tomatoes for several dollars.  My most urgent purchase was going to be raspberries.  My Sheboygan source of raspberries won’t be available until next year.  I last bought a pint of rasberries at the grocery store for $3 (actually two half pints for $3).

The reality of the “farmers market” was that it was more like a flea market.  It was dominated by booths with cheap handcrafted items and some second hand goods.  It was a carnival atmosphere.  Produce was not cheap.

We bought some fresh tomatoes which seemed expensive.  I had to pick up fresh “peas in the pod”.  I used to pull vines filled with pea pods off moving trucks on their way to the Cannery when I was a kid.  We would sit on the curbing in the shade and eat peas until we were full.  I didn’t care about the price of the peas.  I’d pay the “asking price”.

We did not buy any raspberries.  They were $4 a pint, more than the grocery store.  I guess because they were hand picked and natural, they might have been worth a little more.  I hope my personal Sheboygan source of raspberries is cheaper when available next year.

The news services are reporting that George Steinbrenner, the owner of the New York Yankees died this morning.  Normally, I would let the event pass without comment.  George however was a colorful figure and he became a billionaire over 35-40 years.  He bought the Yankees in 1971 for $8.7 million dollars.  The franchise is now worth over $1 billion.  Not a bad return on investment.

Enjoy the weather!

Love,

Dad

 

Grandson Collin graduates today from his first military training at the Marine Corps base in San Diego, California.  Two proud parents will witness the “dress blue” event.

Grasshopper No.3 and wife flew out to San Diego on Wednesday.  Wouldn’t you know that Southern California had an earthquake late in the afternoon measuring 5.3 on the Richter Scale.  It was centered in the desert north of San Diego so the effect on the city was noisy rumbling and shaking of the ground.  I’m not sure what message the God’s intended but daughter-in-law Shelby’s mystic energy readings had to go wild.  It will be a graduation to remember.  The earth moved!

This falls into the categoy of “who gives a sh–“.  LeBron James has decided to leave the fans of Cleveland to play basketball in Miami.  I always wonder why the world tunes into to ESPN for a 3 hour special to find out where “King James” is going to make 20 kajillian dollars.  How does this affect my life?  I heard that the earth moved in Cleveland.  Why is it everybody is always leaving Cleveland?

I lost a bet to Grandson Mitchell.  I bet that LeBron would stay in Cleveland.  My rationale was that he was raised in nearby Akron and he would stay close to home (and more money).  Mitchell got it right.  LeBron is chasing the dream of NBA championships and that stupid ring.  How about the quality of life issues?

There are some job opportunities in Milwaukee.  The Brewers pitching staff is filled with “rubber arms”.  They can’t get anybody out.  I volunteer my aging arm.  The Brewers were willing to pay Jeff Suppon millions for not showing up.  I work cheap.  I’d take one million for the rest of the year and I’d pitch every 4th day (most pitchers do a 5 day rotation).  I would also eliminate counting pitches.  When a pitcher has thrown 80-100 pitches, they pull him out of the game because he might injure his arm.  How is that working for the Brewers?  The pitchers stink and the good ones are always on the disabled list.  Not me.  I’d pitch until my arm falls off.  So Milwaukee, here I am.  I will save you money and improve your performance.  Getting hitters out in Milwaukee would be the equivalent of “moving the earth”.

Smash those mosquitos.  Absorbine Jr. works.

Love,

Dad

 

My sympathy to brother-in-law Bill Mueller and the rest of the Mueller family.  His only brother, Richard (known to me as Dick as a kid) died of an apparent heart attack.  He was younger than Bill by a few years and as a kid, would follow his bigger brother around the streets of Plymouth.  Richard was an accomplished artist.  He left this world much too early.

Now my “magic pocket”.  You all know that I pay cash for lots of little things.  I do not have a debit card.  I have never used an ATM card.  I only use credit cards for larger items or when it is convenient.  It is my way of budgeting.  I always know how much cash I have in my pocket.

I know some of you use the “evelope system”.  Key items like groceries, gasoline and clothing have cash placed in labeled envelopes and the money has to last until the next paycheck or until the end of the month.  It sounds overly simplistic but it tells you where your money is going.  When it is gone, it is gone.

My “magic pocket” is a modified version of the “envelope system”.  I know the type of items that I will pay for from the cash I carry.  It includes gas for the car(s), a Sunday newspaper, lunches for your Mom and I, birthday wishes, and miscellaneous small purchases.  When the cash from my pocket is low, I deny myself things until it is time to replenish.  My system includes a weekly trip to the bank.

For some reason my magic pocket has been stressed.  Either I’m spending too much or prices are higher.  I think my problem is the “spending”.

I have always liked the cash system.  I get first hand knowledge of where every penny goes.  There is no mystery in my spending.

The lesson Grasshopper is that budgeting limited financial resources never ends.  It is your money.  You need some sort of “magic pocket” system.

Love,

Dad