Ace Wisdom

Grasshopper No.1 and Tom invaded Appleton last night for a recognition dinner for volunteers of Habitat for Humanity. Tom has been very involved over the past several years. Congratulations Tom! Grasshopper No.1 entered a silent auction bidding on a NFL football autographed by Green Bay Packer, Gregg Jennings. She never mentioned how much she bid but she won the football. If Packers win another Super Bowl, the football may be worth hundreds, heck maybe thousands of dollars. I’m sure she will report the “windfall profits” on her income taxes. It truly is an abundance of riches.
Some friends who exercise with me every day, gave me a small bag of fresh apples from their backyard tree. Hey they were free. Do I have to report the gift of apples on my taxes? Again an abundance of riches.
Your Mom was walking at our local exercise club yesterday. I want you to know that I’ve exercised for over a decade and occasionally would find a penny laying on the ground. Your Mom who rarely exercises at the “club” found a wad of money that must have fallen out of somebody’s pocket. The “wad” included lots of $10 bills. Whoa! A windfall for the family. But wait. Your Mom just couldn’t keep somebody else’s money so she turned it into the Security Office. Hopefully the rightful owners will get the cash. In the end, I wouldn’t expect your Mom to do anything different. Thats why I married her!
Saturday night your Mom,serveral Grashopprs and I are headed to Madison for the first Big Ten football encounter of the Badgers and Nebraska. Camp Randall will come alive. I’m told that foolish Nebraska fans are paying up to $4,000 per ticket. Potentially with four tickets, I could realize a $16,000 windfall. Talk about an abundance. No the tickets are not for sale. The experience is priceless. Would I have to report the windfall profits on my income taxes?
This is the best time of the year. Enjoy!
Love,
Dad

Your Mom and I went down to Fireside yesterday to see the play “Seven Brides for Seven Brothers”. You have to be 70 years old to attend the Fireside.
In the play, the brothers were given names starting with the letter A followed by B (and so on) through the alphabet. Obviously with seven brothers you only get to the letter G (Gideon). I don’t know what happens if you have 27 kids? It got me to thinking. If your Mom and had used the order of the alphabet to name you Grasshoppers, what would the names have looked like?
Grasshopper No.1 would have been an “A” instead of “D”. You could have been an Abby, Anna or an Abigal. Or you could have picked up family names like Alice or Addie. I personally like Alex.
Grasshopper No.2 would have been a “B” instead of “K”. That could have resulted in Bambi, Briget, Becky or Bethany. Lots of choices. Hmmm? I think I like Barb.
Grasshopper No.3 we got right. We needed a “C”. We got a “C”. How about Chester, Clifford or Casper? There was the possibility of Charles. No Way!
Grasshopper No.4 would have been a “D” instead of a “P”. I’d like to digress to silly names like Dopey, Dexter and Dunce but that wouldn’t be fair. We would have considered Doug, David or Daniel. Fate might have led us the the name Dominic. Hmmmm!
Lastly is the maverick in Minneapolis. She got the big “M” but the system would have required an “E”. Grasshopper No.5 could have been Edwina, Elise, Emily or Emma. Personally I like Emma. Her middle name is Elizabeth so we could have reversed her first and middle names.
Of course the 6th child would have had a name starting with “F”. “F” is appropriate because when news of the impending birth got out the exclamation would have been “awe f—” (get you mind out of the gutter, the word is fudge”. You decide what “F” would have been.
Actually I like the random system we used. Otherwise you Grasshoppers would have been Alex, Barb, Cliff, Doug and Emma. It just wouldn’t seem right!
Love,
Dad

Yesterday Grasshopper No.1 celebrated being born in 1960. We mailed her a card last week and as of yesterday, it wasn’t delivered. It has something to do with a mailman (or mail person) deciding on some days not to deliver mail because there are only 4 houses on the block. Really?
For some reason, we are building a new house. I guess the term would be “rebuilding”. Things just keep going wrong and needing replacement. Nothing big. Last week our soft water system puked (Grasshopper No.5’s description of a failed system). The old equipment needs upgrading. Your Mom has been working on scrapbooking using the internet. The wireless router developed a mind of it’s own and wouldn’t let her access different websites. Not a big deal but annoying. It has been fixed. Last night a security light outside activated and kept flashing on and off in 1 second increments. I couldn’t shut it off. I pulled the circuit breaker and now I’m afraid to turn it on. All this on top of a lightning strike and losing a gorgeous tree to a virus (or lightning). You get the idea. We are in a “funk”. It is time to turn this sh– around.
Included in the “funk” are aches and pains that come with becoming mature (old). My foot hurts. My psoas muscle in my butt hurts. My shoulder aches.
Fear not. Being part engineer and self proclaimed doctor, I know the cause of my aches and pains. It is “fibermyalga”. This covers every ache or pain that can’t be diagnosed. Of course I have fibermyalga. If it isn’t fibermyalga, it is rheumatism. If rheumatism doesn’t work, then rheumatoid arthritis applies. Maybe I need to go to the doctor to get x-rays, pills, cat-scans, more pills, second opinions and maybe even third opinions. Does aspirin work?
I need a “hot” streak. Something needs to happen to break the funk. Maybe I can find a psychic to create a spell. Maybe I can find a penny in the street with the “heads up” meaning someone from above is thinking about me. Some good voodoo magic would work.
A funk always turns around. Here it comes. I see it! Yep, a new day!
I knew things would change!
Love,
Dad

It was 1954 that I played football on the Plymouth freshman squad. That was 57 years ago. Last night your Mom and I were sitting in the stands in Plymouth watching Grasshopper No.4 coach his Sheboygan team against a mighty “panther team”. Grandson Dominic was dominate in his dual role of offensive tackle and defensive center line backer. Who would have guessed that after 57 years I would be back where I started.
The Sheboygan Raiders Gold team destroyed Plymouth (officially called Plymouth team #2) 26-14. Plymouth was bigger. The Raiders Gold despite their smaller size dominated. The “Gold” broke on top and never looked back. They led for the whole game. I saw my favorite Grandson Dominic make several bone crushing tackles from his linebacker position. He “closed” on a run around the Plymouth end to tackle a running back for a crucial loss. It must be in the family genes.
My “take” on the strategy used to dominate goes like this. Keep it simple. Minimized the number of situations where you can make a big mistake (every kick-off is an onside kick). Run 1-2 offensive plays daring the other team to top you. A plunge up the middle kept yielding 3-5 yards. It was unstoppable. Throw in an occasional end run for a touchdown. Volla! A formula for victory.
Here is my “voice of experience”. Don’t get a big head. Focus on the moment. Execute. Execute. Execute. You are already Champions.
Love,
Dad

Several years ago it became apparent that our desk top computer was evolving into a “photo lab.”. In my infinite wisdom, I purchased a second computer. One computer is our main source of communication and the older computer was moved downstairs into your Mom’s “woman cave”. Your Mom has steadily been increasing her photo inventory. Her computer finally puked. It slowed down to the point that grass grows faster. Today the computer doctor comes to add “a kajillian” increments of RAM. Why is the world so obsessed with pictures?
We planted new bushes, plants and evergreens along the front of the house about a week ago. Wouldn’t you know it hasn’t rained in a week (bright sunshine every day). New plants need water. The forecast for the next week is cooler with nothing but sunshine. Some dummy has to stand outside and water each and every plant individually every other day. I’m sure I was put on this earth for a higher purpose. Water plants?
Your Mom and I did the UW football thing Saturday. Grandsons Grant and Mitchell joined us. They are both over 6 feet tall. Your Mom and I are shorter people so we were dwarfed sitting between them. Can young animals eat their older Grandparents? Badgers 35, Oregon State 0. Jesus was it hot!
Rumor has it that Son-in-Law Tom is going to have an operation on his foot. The prognosis is that he will be join the cast of Dancing with the Stars by Christmas time. I’m sure Grasshopper No.1 will take good care of him!
Grasshopper No.1 turns “umptee one” on Monday. Happy birthday No.1″.
Love,
Dad

Your Mom accuses me of not Listening. That of course is not true. I listen intently to everything she says. There are consequences to not listening.
The Green Bay Packers kicked off the NFL season with a thrilling victory at Lambeau. They have a rookie named “Ricky” Randall Cobb. He is fast. He is more than fast. The hope is that he could return punts and kick-offs this year. Cobb also plays wide receiver. He had a spectacular night scoring one touchdown on a pass reception and another touchdown on a record 108 yard kick-off return. What a player? This all happened inspite of Cobb not listening.
The first Cobb reception came when he ran the wrong pass route. He either didn’t read the playbook or he didn’t hear correctly but Cobb ran the wrong direction on a pass. Aaron Rogers adjusted (probably anticipating what a stupid rookie would do) and threw to Cobb on the errant route. Touchdown! The Gods were smiling.
Later in the game, Cobb was in the end zone awaiting to return a kick-off. He had been told that if the kick was more than 5 yards deep in the end zone, “just catch the ball and the Packers would take the ball on the 20 yard line”. That seems like a pretty simple instruction. I guess Cobb wasn’t listening. He was 8 yards deep in the end zone. He decided to run the ball. McCarthy almost had a heart attack. Wouldn’t you know that Cobb ran the ball all the way back for a touchdown. So much for not listening.
Obama gave another campaign speech (disguised as a job proposal) last night. I admit that I wasn’t listening. It was the same song, different verse. I’m sure I will pay the conseqences of not listening.
My Mother always told me to never get married. Never, ever! But I wasn’t listening. The rest is history. Judge for yourself.
Love,
Dad

Last Friday morning, your Mom and I were traveling back from Madison. We ran into light showers. We got home around 12:30 PM. I had a clue that a storm had moved through Appleton around mid-morning and it was significant. Grasshopper No.3 had called on our cell phone warning of back-ups on Highway 41 due to overturned trucks. He suggested taking an alternate to hwy 41. We did!
It turns out some of the winds that blew through the Valley were over 80 mph. Twisted and broken trees were everywhere. Grasshopper No.3’s home seemed to be the bullseye. His neighborhood looked like a war zone. Many streets were impassable because of downed trees and power lines. No.3 drew the “short straw” because a major transmission line that supplies his home’s power grid was damaged. No.3 and family were out of power all day Friday, Saturday and were lucky enough to get power Sunday afternoon. There are still people out of power.
I have been trying to get free raspberries for several years. I have decided to take control. Today we have having dozens of raspberry bushes planted along the front of the house. I’m promised “good berries” by next year and I can supply the whole neighborhood (for a price of course). Neighbors can pick the berries from our front bushes or we will pick for them. Growing raspberries can’t be that difficult.
The Packers usher in the season Thursday night at home against New Orleans. Kid Rock starts the night along with a stellar cast. I think Obama has a campaign speech in there someplace. Oh yeah, Grasshopper No.4 and Sons kick off the first games of the Sheboygan Youth Football League that same night.
ESPN has named the top 10 NFL football performances over the last 25 years. Their No.1 selection is Brett Favre’s game against the Oakland Raiders just after his Dad had died. There was a question on whether Brett should play or not out of respect for his Dad. He did play. He played for his Dad. He put on a passing performance that needed divine guidance to be successful. Irv was watching. It was a performance that inspired anyone who has ever played football, especially when their Dad was involved. It almost brings a tear to your eye.
Love,
Dad