Ace Wisdom

I would be remiss not to talk about wireless cell phones as we begin 2006. I think some of the Grasshoppers could spin tales of horror on “cell phones out of control”. Well the latest is Grandson Nevin who signed a two year contract with multiple phones. He is 18. He can do what he wants. He wanted multiple cell phones. Ashley, his girlfriend got the second phone. One month into the contract (and after receiving his first bill), the cell phone idea perhaps wasn’t such a great idea.
I’ve got to do this! I remember when George and Nana Steger had a land line phone in Plymouth. They made it a party line so that the costs could be lower per month. That meant every time you went to use the phone there was the risk that another party might be on the line and you’d have to wait. Also someone trying to call you might encounter a busy line because of that other party. The cost per month was $5-$6.
We’ve come a long way baby. I pulled an article out of the Milwaukee Sentinel the other day that described a man’s family cell phone program. Here is the male chauvinist part of my story. His wife signed up for the family plan.
The first month, the bill was $499.53.
The second month was $356.09.
What the hell was going on? The deal gave his wife a cell phone for a monthly charge of $39.99. Each of three kids were added for $9.99 per month each for a total of $69.96. Remember this is all in addition to the family “land line”. But how could a family plan with 600 free daytime minutes evolve into a monthly charge of almost $500.
It is in the law of large numbers. 600 free minutes sound great until you divide by 4 people all using the cell and then divide by a 30 day period. That gives each user 5 minutes per day. I don’t want to plagiarize so I must give the article author credit. He said that 5 minutes per day is hardly enough to say “Can you hear me now”? Everything over 600 minutes per month gets billed at $.45/minute. 749 minutes really add up. Each call between family phones is charged twice. Once as an outgoing call. Once as an incoming call.
Then there is the 100 free text messages per month. Every thing over 100 text messages gets a charge. So 600 messages a month is not good.
Of course there are all the federal taxes and extra charges.
Here comes the Grasshopper talk. What the hell is so important that everybody has to be in touch with every other family member every minute of every day? Doesn’t anybody talk at home anymore. Oh yeah, I forgot nobody sits down to eat at the end of each day. We just went through a holiday season. Everybody should be talked out. I’d expect cell phone bills to drop because there is not much left to say. Right!
I’m not advocating going back to the party line. Cell phones have a valuable function in the business world and especially for emergencies. How ridiculous is it to have a phone for every member of the family? How about the dog?
So if you are looking at where your hard earned dollars are going, add up your phone bills and compare it to the old party line costs of $5-6 per month. Even accounting for inflation, the new bill couldn’t be more than $20-25 per month.
To use a line from the Music Man musical, a bunch of old ladies were talking and essentially saying nothing. The song “Pick a little, Talk a little, Cheep, Cheep, Cheep” fits perfect. Or Seinfelds “Yada, yada, yada”.
In closing, I wish Nevin good luck at managing his program. I hope he read the fine print.
Love,
Chas.

I would be remiss if I didn’t comment on the Year 2005. Life’s journey continues and it was full of change and surprises.
First, Margaret told me I could continue to blog “free”. It has been one year of blogging. I am now attached to some superblog system managed by Margaret. She creates all the parameters of how I can blog, she edits all my responses and she can send it at will around “her network”. How sick is that! I am totally controlled by Margaret. Actually, the blog has been an interesting journey.
The year 2005 will be remembered for natural disasters. Katrina! Sunami! A record number of hurricanes.
The spring season included a trip to Las Vegas. I call it “Celine Quest”. It almost didn’t happen because of illness to Celine. But, it did happen and a good time was had by all. Actually, the highlight of the trip was a visit with the Dyers and a Barry Manilow show. Barry Manilow?
The summer was marked by the passing of John Hollander but guess what? Grant and Mitchell are enrolled in a new school and flourishing and everybody is moving to a new home in January. The world adjusts.
On a personal note, Paul and I played Whispering Springs golf course in Fond du lac on July 12, and I had my only hole-in-one golf shot. It is of course a statistical freak occurance. It is bizarre to see the golf ball hit the green and roll in a straight line toward the hole and disappear (maybe John Hollander had something to do with it). Ooooooo! When a hole in one is the highlight of my summer, I may need to get a life.
The fall consumes mom and I with Badger football. This was the end of the Barry Alverez era. The game of the season was a Saturday night encounter with Michigan and we won 23-20 in the last few seconds. Paul and Jenny witnessed the occasion. Somehow Paul’s name keeps popping up?
The Badger season involved 6 weekends with family and friends. There were no repeats of participants and each outing was special. New-comers this year include Tom, Bill and JoAnn and I think Jenny.
The biggest financial transition was to Medicare Insurance because Shelby and I both turned 65. Believe it or not, affordable health insurance is probably the biggest deal in retirement because the body starts “leaking oil”. I love that discription because when machinery gets old it “leaks oil”. It still works but it leaks. Wouldn’t you know that the only thing that wasn’t covered by Medicare is dental insurance and 2005 included 3 root canals and 2 crowns.
The year ended with a new kitchen hardwood floor complete with a dust blizzard. The result was pretty neat.
Mom and I got to witness Paul’s graduation from UW-Milwaukee and participate fully with cell phones. We got to see Debs get engaged over Christmas and Dano got her GED.
There will be no New Year’s resolutions from me. I’m smarter than that. Why set myself up to fail?
So the journey continues. We go into 2006 with lots of optimism. The nature of a “journey” is that it subject to continued surprises and amazing things. May all your dreams come true. HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL.
Love,
Chas.

Here we go! My description of Christmas 2005. Can I capture the anticipation, the passion, the emotions or the highlights?
First an observation. My gratulations to all Christians of the World for rising up and insisting that “Christ” be the center of the Christmas celebration. My utmost respect for what all dissident people of the world believe but how about respect in return.
Trying to coordinate the celebration of Christmas with all of family and friends is becoming a statistical jigsaw puzzle. Every person, every family and every friend has their own priorities and getting that puzzle solved for our family celebration is miraculous.
Paul and Jenny and Dominic and Tommy arrived and stayed Christmas Eve. It was fun to have them. We experienced some magic because Dominic’s cousin Bailey is spreading the rumor that there is no Santa Claus. Talk about blasphemy! Well a miracle occured on Christmas Eve. We left the house in early evening to experience the light displays in our neighborhood. Somebody has money! As we are driving around, Dominic saw a red light in the sky. It could have been a reflection, an airplane or maybe Rudolph. The sighting was dismissed and we journeyed on only to return home to find presents under the tree. Santa had come. Dominic was sure that that Rudoph sighting in the sky was real and subsequent presents were proof. Did I mention that Margaret had arrived earlier and somehow coordinated the Santa effort. Well, Dominic’s cousin Bailey must have received an “earful” about Santa. Bailey, there is a Santa and Dominic has proof.
Chris and Shelby and Nevin and Keely and Collin showed up after Church on Christmas morning. They were under pressure to arrive at Shelby’s family celebration in Cascade but they persevered through presents, food and the White elephant exchange. I think Santa has to become more clear about the rules of the white elephant effort. Somehow Nevin always seems to get what he wants. Last year it was a TV and this year it was a “locked box” computer disc filing system. My understanding is that the filing system will find it’s way to e-Bay for cash. Ah, the consumate entrepreneur.
Kelly and Carlos and Grant and Mitchell blew in early afternoon on Christmas day in time to exchange white elephant gifts. I don’t know what Kelly’s offer to the white elephant effort was, but it usually pretty good stuff. Grant grows on a daily basis and Mitchell never stops moving. The Andrews/Vargus family stayed over night along with Margaret on Christmas Day.
And then, each Christmas has some special present or event. One that brings “Ooooo’s and Ahhhh’s”. Deb and Dano arrived Christmas Day from separate directions. One came from Wausau where she was visiting and the other drove up from Sheboygan. Debs got a new baby blue Columbia jacket. One pocket had a small gift but the other pocket had a square box typical for storing rings. Debs held the box in her hand and blushed a little. What could it be? What could it be? Lo and behold, it had a sparkling engagement ring. Tom, the love of her life was hoovering near the Christmas tree with a big smile. I don’t remember exactly the verbal exchange but it had something to do with proposal of marriage, a special kiss and actually an applause from the whole family. Sometimes it takes time for special people to enter your life but I think both Debs and Tom have made that find! Congratulations to both.
So Monday the 26th, Kelly and family and Margaret were still around but things had calmed down. Kelly and Carlos are preparing to move into their new home. Margaret has anxious to get her special batch of party mix made and head back to Minneapolis for an evening with Rex. Can you believe that she would leave her Mom and Dad to return to Rex? Ah, all is right with the world and as it should be.
So you see Christmas came and went. It is like a blur. A special recognition of my dear wife who works very hard to create some magic and plan a special family gathering. It is a huge undertaking. She manages to have good memories such as hot potato soup, hot clam chowder dip, apple cider, and lots and lots of options for appetizers. She decorates the house. She coordinates gifts to please the recipients. She literally becomes consumed by the effort. So if you really think about it, that is her gift to the family. Like Santa, she gets very, very tired.
Thank you all. You made our Christmas memorable.
Love,
Dad

Yesterday was one of those days when the moon was in the wrong position and little things kept going wrong. I tripped over a telephone connection to the computer and caught myself by grabbing a chair. The chair tipped and we both slipped to the carpet. No harm done. Then I’m grabbing my cell phone in the car and it drops on the floor. It fell to a place I couldn’t reach easily so I had to find a safe place to park and reach under the seat. No harm done. Then I made a special stop to pick up a special weekly publication at my local news-stand. They are never out of the publication. Yep, they were all sold. I found another store and located what I wanted so it was okay. No harm done. You get the idea. Just picky little irritating stuff. My whole day went that way.
Well, I wondered if Santa ever has an off day. What possibly could go wrong with the jolly, rotund old man in the red suit?
Santa got into his sleigh to deliver gifts to the kids of the world with a special emphasis on Grant Hollander, Mitchell Hollander, Dominic Andrews, and Tommy Andrews. Why the special emphasis? Because they were great kids all year and many letters were received to make sure they weren’t forgotten.
Santa got into his sleigh and Rudoph’s “red nose bulb” was burnt out. Perfect. The glow needed to lead all the other reindeer was gone. Darn! Santa always knew that Rudolph had a weak bulb, but Christmas Eve it flickered out. So Santa replaced the bulb with a halogen equivalent. It glowed brighter and he finally got rid of that stupid red. No harm done.
Then Santa started off from the North Pole and could not see the North Star because of clouds so he was “flying blind”. No worry! Santa got out his GPS device to let satelite guidance systems take over. Wouldn’t you know one of the elves had taken the batteries out of the GPS to use on an electronic gift for Grant. So his GPS didn’t work. He reached into his battery bag and put in new AA alkaline batteries and everything was fine. No harm done. He now had his map system working.
Then unbeknownst to Santa, the elf named Tommy had fed the reindeer before they left on their long night. His choice was baked beans. You guessed it! Eight reindeer and Rudolph all had flatulence. Santa found a gas mask among the gifts and barely escaped the reindeer rage. No harm done.
Santa found Grant and Mitchell’s house and slipped quietly into the living room. After cookies and milk, Santa rose up the chimney only to find one of the reindeer had “relieved” himself over a chimney of a neighbor. To add insult to injury, the neighbor had simultaneously lit his fireplace. You can imagine what happened. Foreign material from the reindeer hitting a newly lit fire. Fire belched 100 feet into the air creating a spectacular fire spout. The reindeer had singed “butts”. No harm done. And what was the reindeer supposed to do, hold it?
When Santa reached Dominic’s and Tommy’s house, he figured he would go through the front door because it was easier. He slipped on the icy, unshoveled sidewalk and fell on his butt. Lucky he had lots of padding. Undeterred, Santa piled lots of presents under Dominic’s and Tommy’s tree for everyone. No harm done.
Wouldn’t you know that on his last stop in Sheboygan, he dropped down the chimney and he was attacked by a group of “nymphettes”. Fortunately he fought them off galantly and escaped in just his shorts. He had another “Santa suit” in the sleigh. Mrs. Clause would have been proud of him. No harm done.
I guess Santa does have his “off days” too. We all do. But he pressed on and he told me to help him tell the world “MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT”. All the children had smiles and all was right with the world. No harm done.
And Grant, Mitchell, Dominic and Tommy promised to be good for the whole next year. Yeah, right!
Love,
Dad

Admit it! You’ve all had a Christmas CD in your car stereo and you sang along. Of course, you were alone so that nobody could hear you but you pumped up the volume and in your own mind, you sounded pretty good. Of course you did!
The TV prime time slots are filled with contests these days with “Dancing with the Stars” and “American Idol” dominating. Then there is always the Grammys, the Emmys and the People Choice Awards. Well, I’ve decided that I will have my own Chuckie Choice Award on Christmas music.
The Chuckie Choice Award has the goal of picking the all-time best Christmas song and it’s respective artist. This is a prestigious award and the world should take notice of the winner.
There are lots of Christmas songs to choose from. There are the “long hair” instrumentals performed by the Boston Symphony or the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. Nope, this group is like elevator music. Good background music but it doesn’t compete for the Chuckie Choice Award.
Then there are Childrens fun songs. Rudolph, Frosty and the Chipmonks. This is novelty stuff. Not offensive but not candidates for the best song and artist of all time. I really hate to eliminate Gene Autry and Burl Ives.
Outrageous songs like “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer” aren’t even considered.
I love some of the mood music especially by the crooners. Elvis singing “Blue Christmas” is special and you can’t forget Dean Martin, Perry Como, Andy Williams or Bing Crosby warbling “White Christmas”.
Johnny Mathis is a girl thing. I think he is! Maybe he is guy thing. Nope, no consideration.
I hate to eliminate the female singers. Kate Smith, Rosemary Clooney and Celine Dion can really belt out spectacular renditions of Christmas favorites but the Chuckie Choice Award leans toward the male gender. The Jewish Princess, Barbara Striesan is very good.
The Chuckie Choice Award goes toward a song revered by Christians everywhere. Yes, it is a religious song. Some of my fans won’t like that, but get over it. The song is centuries old. The two finalists were “O Holy Night” and “Silent Night”. Chuckie picks “Silent Night”. It does move the soul.
Now we have to pick the best artist who sings “Silent Night”. My first thought was Bing Crosby. “Derbingo” as my Dad used to call him, has a melodious voice and does an admirable job. Being a good Catholic, Bing had years to hone his skills at “Silent Night”. Bing gets the runner-up position. My choice for the best artist ever to sing “Silent Night” goes to a renoun Gospel singer with a little bit of hillbilly accent. And you ready. Can you handle the suspense. Chuckie picks Tennessee Ernie Ford. His deep voice and his feeling ring the bell.
There you have it!. Silent Night by Tennessee Ernie Ford wins the Chuckie Choice Award. If you’ve never heard it, run out and buy a Christmas CD by Tennessee Ernie Ford. Then put the CD in your player at home, light the Christmas tree, sip some cider and enjoy the season. It is okay to sing along.
Love,
Dad

Just a note to begin this blog entry. My Dear Wife oftens chastises me for my inappropriate humorous comments that quote “aren’t funny”. But get this, she went to her exercise class the other day and bumped into Steve, the electrician. He installed our outdoor sidewalk lights in October and we still don’t have a bill. His comment to Shelby was “have we billed you yet”? Her answer, now get this was “you sure did, you cashed our check”. Your mom made a funny! Tis the season.
When you have children, Christmas is all about giving. It can be a hug. It can be a Christmas pagent. It can be Church on Christmas Eve. Usually what kids remember is the loot that they receive from Santa.
As I wipe away the cobwebs of my mind, my childhood had some memorable gifts. I still think it is better to receive than give. My first memory was an erector set. I mean a big red medal chest filled with structural metal parts including a little motor for driving some of the creations. Wow. Well, this gift wasn’t for me. It was for my Dad until he grew tired of it and then I could have it. I must have been about 10 years old. After all the presents were opened from under the tree, my Dad began to build a rotating Merry-go-round. It was built on the kitchen table and I was allowed to watch. He called his friend Harold Peters to help build the Merry-go-round and these two “rocket scientists” proceded with the endeavor. Because it was so complex, the effort continued for days and “boy was I having fun watching”. By the time it was done, it looked like an “Edsel” car design. It didn’t work. So slowly the two “big boys” got tired and I got my erector set. It was a special toy and I did build things that worked. The Erector Set was memorable.
When I was about 13, brother Jack and I got matching red pull-over fleece jackets. My parents thought we looked really cute but in today’s jargon we probably could have played elf pimps on a TV-sitcom. Bad, really bad.
When I was 16, I wanted a leather bomber jacket similar to the Fonz’s on Happy Days. It was the vogue of the day and it conveyed toughness. Yep, that is what I wanted. I did get a brown one and it was the best. I wore it for years. There have been times that I wanted to buy another but each time I go out to buy, I take my life partner along. She always convinces me to buy a longer design leather jacket to cover my fat butt. She is probably right from a style correctness standpoint. So I never quite get back to living the past with a bomber jacket but maybe someday I’ll get past how it looks and buy what makes me happy.
Actually my last memorable gift was when I was about 19 and going to UW-Oshkosh. The Steger’s informally adopted me (actually they couldn’t get rid of me) and I was at their house for a Christmas “present-opening” event. George and Lyla gave me a RCA Stereo Hi-Fidelity record player. Stereo was the new thing! It was portable and you separated the speakers with an extension cord. I also had stereo albums to go with the player. That record player followed me through college and was in our living rooom for many years. I know some of the Grasshoppers remember the demo record that had a train leaving a station and slowly, very slowly moving from one speaker to another. That record somehow disappeared but it was special.
Since that time, my memories have switched to giving! I do get a good feeling knowing that just maybe, the recipient of a gift will get a life long memory and then possibly pass that feeling along to someone else. Maybe that is what they call maturity.
But still, you can’t take away the memories of viewing Christmas “through a kids eyes”. The anticipation. The excitement. Oh my, oh my.
Love,
Dad

While going through a favoite magazine recently, I came across an ad by American Express consisting of a questionaire answered by the famous Coach “K” from Duke University. Being an athlete myself, I thought “what the hell, I’ll take the test”.
CHILDHOOD AMIBITION: To score 100 points in a basketball game.
FONDEST MEMORY: Warm summer nights during high school years with my best girl.
RETREAT: My car/driving.
WILDEST DREAM: Winning $350 million dollars in the Power Ball lottery.
PROUDEST MOMENT: Earning my MBA and whole family got to celebrate.
BIGGEST CHALLENGE: Continued Personal Improvement.
ALARM CLOCK: None! I rely on my own personal internal “time clock”.
PERFECT DAY: A warm football afternoon with family at Camp Randall
FIRST JOB: Sales Engineer, Allis-Chalmers.
INDULGENCE: Soda
LAST PURCHASE: Lunch with Shelby
FAVORITE MOVIE: The Earthling.
INSPIRATION: My Dad (that surprises even me)!
MY LIFE ……..: Has exceed expectations.
There, that should give you insight into my life journey. Answer the questions. They might make you think.
Love,
Dad