John is 48 years old. He has cancer. He has the bad kind of cancer.
Things like this shouldn’t happen. John is one of the good guys. It all started with a tired feeling and a trip to the doctor for a check-up. He got a “clean bill of health”. He was probably working too hard. Then a few more months, still feeling bad and experiencing pain, a second trip to the doctor. This time they found the cancer, November 2004. It was everywhere. Not a localized tumor that they could remove, but throughout his body.
The radiation to reduce painfull tumors and chemo to attack the cancer throughout the body have all proved ineffective. The decision now is morphine to kill the pain.
You see, John is my ex-son-in-law. He and two precious grandsons are undeniable parts of our past. Whatever the reasons he and Kelly chose to live differently is not for me to judge but I know they are both good people. During this whole ordeal, Kelly and a supporting cast of friends have been there for John.
John has been a good friend since he entered our lives in 1986. I have seen John achieve his MBA after marrying Kelly and I have watched his career as they moved to Madison, Wisconsin.
John and I always seemed to have similar sports interests and I know he went out of his way to accommodate me at Badger football games. We nursed the Badgers to several Big 10 Championships and the special game was Ron Dayne breaking the all time NCAA rushing record in November 1999 at Camp Randall. It was 60 degrees.
John and Kelly had season tickets to the Badger basketball games. If I begged John enough, he would take me to see Gene Keady from Purdue and Bobby Knight from Indiana. The season tickets gained us the right to witness the NCAA Region Finals at the Kohl Center, I think in 2000. Kansas won.
Golf was about someplace nice each summer. Sentry World. The Bog. UW Ridge. Lawsonia. You get the idea. Being 6 foot 6 inches tall, John’s long swing gave him a big advantage. Long ball. Not always straight but disgustingly long.
And money. There were always long discussions on money. Of course John is tight. In fact “tight” is an understatement. When you look up the definition of “tight” in the dictionary, you’ll see John’s picture. John is better at saving money, I think I’m better at investing money after you’ve saved it.
I have always had this connection with John. He teased me about things he knew would bother me and I teased him likewise.
It is hard for me to give up on miracles. I keep hoping that the guru from a mountain top in Argentina will place his hands on John’s head and he will be healed. I keep hoping a miracle drug will appear and cure his cancer. Maybe he will drive into a magical fog bank and when he comes out, everything will be okay. So far, nothing!
But John’s legacy is sealed. He has oldest son Grant who spends most available moments with John. I’m sure their being together is enough regardless of the words spoken. And youngest son Mitchell knows his Dad’s situation but really doesn’t know what it all means. Two great boys with tons of potential. They will always make him proud.
So you see as John creates a trust for his boys, makes his own funeral arrangements and buys his own gravesite, it makes me angry to think this could be happening to a friend.
I know it is hard to understand God’s way and in the end, none of us gets out of this life alive, but what is happening to a good person is difficult. He is a friend. It comforts me to know he is surrounded by Kelly, sons, and good friends.
I have to admit Grasshoppers, I don’t have the answers to everything. I am just an observer of life trying to understand the ravages of cancer on a friend. Maybe enough prayers could turn the tide. It couldn’t hurt!
Love,
Dad