I have decided that I want to join the current trend of having a day named after me. We could call it the “Ace Wisdom Day”. I have noticed that there is no end to national days of celebration. We have such days as President’s Day, Martin Luther King Day, Valentines Day, Ground Hog day, Sweetest Day, and Green Earth day. We are running out of days.
So on my special day, the world would celebrate my accomplishments. Like the Seinfeld sitcom, I admit that I don’t have any accomplishments. I just got up everyday, lived my life as a kid, student, husband, father, philosopher and retiree.
Newspapers, television and radio would flood the world with stories of my contributions to mankind. I can’t think of any contributions but give me some time to think about it.
The government would get the day off. They always get the day off with pay for days of special occasion.
The Postal Service would get the day off because they follow government celebration. With pay of course.
I would get an “advance” financial payment to write a book about my life about nothing. I figure with such national acclaim, the initial payment would be $10 million. If the book sells well I would write a sequel. I think I’d make the sequel a romance novel.
I would share my success with my family. Without the stellar support of my wife, kids and friends, I wouldn’t be what I am today: nothing! After all, my national day is not about me but the people who have elevated me to the status of “nothing”.
I am proclaiming my national day before all 365 days get used up by other useless causes. It will be April 23 every year and I will try to remain humble.
If Obama tries to claim the April 23 date as his, I will invite him to have a beer with me on my backyard porch to talk over the issue. Please note I claimed the date first.
You might get the idea that I think all the special days that have been proclaimed throughout the years are stupid. You would be right of course. There are always exceptions. Veterans Day and Memorial Day would remain forever.
If you want to proclaim a day for yourself, let me know. I will help you with the application.
In the meantime you need to live a life of quiet desperation trying to survive day to day. Why should you be any different?
Have a very Happy Thanksgiving. Look around you, you have a lot to be thankful for. Even if you don’t get a national day proclaimed for you, you each will always have a day that will be special to me.
Love,
Dad