My refund from the IRS should be coming soon. This year my Federal refund will be $309.
Plan No. 1 was to put the money into a stock fund so that upon my demise you 5 Grasshoppers would split the amount and get $61.80 each.
Plan No. 2 was to buy Mom something nice. Maybe some flowers. A gift? A dinner at a very nice restaurant. Maybe all of the above.
Plan No. 3 (the plan I prefer) was to buy myself a watch that has GPS (Satellite directed signals that adjust for perfect time every hour). Call it an “out and out extravagance”.
On Tuesday my headlight blew out on the Saab (after going through the car wash). Strange things happen after car washes. I needed $15.75 for the random failure. Now my $309 was down to $293.25 (your take would now be $58.65).
Then on Wednesday our VHS tape recorder died. Surprisingly you can buy a new one for $57. Your mom tapes shows she likes and wants to make duplicate tapes in the future. Okay, we spent $57. Now we are down to $236.25 (your share now $47.25).
Then our large garage door sputtered and stopped. Broken gears everywhere. It is a Sears special and the cost came to $105.00 to fix. Now we are down to $131.25 remaining (your share now $26.25)
Soon after our VHS recorder was replaced, our large screen TV in the basement which we bought in 1994 puked. It has lots of yellow, lime and blue shadows and distortion. The TV repairman is coming today. If he can fix it, I’m looking at $200. My tax refund now goes negative to $68.75 and I guess that means you all should chip in $13.75 each to help out. The operative word is “if” the TV can be fixed. If it can’t be fixed we are looking at a big time expense for a DPL large screen TV with 1080 pixels from a projection format resulting in high quality HDTV. Grasshopper No. 3 says that cost could be a minimum of $2,000. Now you all need to kick in $400-$500 each to help us out.
As a friend of mine use to say, “shit happens”. This week has had more than it’s share of unplanned expenses. It is part of life’s process.
Obviously this is a spoof. The tax refund has nothing to do with the random negative events. The refund should still be saved and set aside for emergencies, inheritances and indulgences. Don’t be tempted to fritter it away.
The lesson Grasshoppers is save your refund. You accumulated it over the course of a year and it can be a really nice boost to your savings account. Call it a windfall.
Love,
Dad